Your Soul Purpose

September 13, 2017 in Life Coaching

Have you ever wondered what your soul purpose is? It’s a concept that ignites the curiosity within each of us. We have this longing to know what we’re “supposed” to be doing; some people seem to know what they want to do with their life from a young age, while others go years and years without ever “finding” it.

In my experience in working with my clients, I’ve found that those who suffered from the deepest forms of depression were not the ones who experienced the most profound traumas, but the ones who felt they had lost their sense of purpose in life, regardless of their age. This seems to hold as true for teenagers and young adults as it does for those in their middling years. Dictionary.com defines “purpose” as: “A reason for which something exists or is done, made, used etc.” Accordingly, to search for one’s purpose means to search for one’s reason for existing on this earth.

As humans, we have a deep need to belong and to be loved. When we live our soul purpose, our lives have colour, passion, and a sense of belonging again.

7 Steps To Remember Your Soul Purpose
I’ve listed a series of 7 steps below to help you remember and live your soul purpose everyday:

1. Stop Searching
You’re never going to “find” your soul purpose. It isn’t written on a piece of paper somewhere or on the agenda of a cosmic contractor that assigned you to Earth for a specific purpose. Your answer lies within you, not without. When you believe it lies somewhere external, you disempower yourself because this belief implies that another needs to “give” or “assign” your purpose. This isn’t the case. You choose to give your life its purpose. The process of remembering your soul purpose is introspective in nature. When you realize that, you find your inner source of power.

2. Choose To Thrive Or Survive.
Decide right now if you’re here on this earth to thrive or to survive. There is no in between. You live each day with an intention, and every day you choose to merely survive or to grow, evolve and thrive. This choice will be the foundation of your purpose.

3. Accept A Purpose
If you’re on this step, that means that you’ve given yourself a purpose! If you’ve chosen to “thrive,” it means that every decision you make from now on should improve your existence in one way or another. Step back and have a look at your life. Do the people around you make you happy? Do your relationships with them uplift you most of the time? Or are they toxic? Do you love your career? Are you passionate about your hobbies? If it’s helpful, make a list of your daily routine. Start with what you do when you wake up in the morning and besides each activity, make a check mark as to whether or not it makes you a happier, healthier, better version of you or not. This step is all about awareness, not judgment, or even action.

4. Discover Your Passion
This is the fun part! When you’re passionate about something, hours will pass by without you realizing it. Doing things that you’re passionate about energizing you, they don’t drain you. They excite you, they don’t obligate you. Think back to what you liked to do as a child. When you have at least three things that you love to do… DO THEM! This week, make time to do what you’re passionate about. Reignite the spark. While you’re doing the activity, feel the passion and let it contrast with your “normal” feelings. Remember why you love these activities in the first place.

5. Make Your Passions Your Priority!
No one else is going to rearrange your schedule for you to make sure you’re doing what you love to do. Ensure that you’re spending at least 1-2 hours per week doing something you’re passionate about. These activities make you feel alive. Commit to fitting your passions into your schedule.

6. Expect Blocks Along The Way
It is at this point in the process where you will encounter the most resistance. You’ll likely experience fear, a sense of unworthiness, and lack of motivation. You may also notice a lack of support from loved ones. Don’t get caught in the inner and outer drama. Your only job here is to commit to the cause and persevere – the obstacles are a normal part of the process. If you didn’t have any at all, you’d be living your dreams already! Don’t let the resistance and fear outweigh your desire for achievement.

7. Practice Makes Perfect
Here’s where a lot of people get stuck. They expect to be expert authors, painters, or athletes as soon as they start living it. If it’s your passion, practice isn’t going to feel like work. It will be fun. With enough time and experience, you’ll embody that all-star player you visualized. Don’t let the initial difficulties discourage you. Power through them and learn from these challenges instead of letting them defeat you.

*Note: These steps don’t take a lifetime to carry out. Don’t allow yourself to dwell on any step for longer than a day or two!

I hope that the steps outlined above have given you clarity and direction on how to assign yourself purpose, remember your passion, and live it out. If you’re living your passion and have helpful advice that you’d like to share, post it in the comments below!

Everyone dreams; those that live theirs, choose to.

Letting Go

September 13, 2017 in Life Coaching

LETTING GO..If someone is trying to steal your diamond ring or gold Rolex during a street mugging, you might not want to let go of his arm, so that you can hang on to your prized possession. This article isn’t about that kind of letting go. Letting go of a need for things to be the way you want them to be is the focus of this piece. Letting go of emotions that give you no respite from suffering is also its focus. Letting go of people in your life who by their treatment of you are demonstrating that they don’t want you in their life is a further focus.

Releasing what you can’t believe you can let go of is a very difficult process. Why? Because we believe that we need this or that person in our lives. Further, we believe that by letting go of difficult emotions such as anger, resentment, pain, bitterness, deception, disappointment, even the profound shame that you may feel about the way another person that you love is behaving, we tend to believe if we release such emotions that we are not giving them or the situation that created the emotion, enough importance. In other words, we may believe that by releasing the emotion, we are minimizing or undervaluing the significance of the event that caused them in our lives. Furthermore, we believe that by letting go of our need for a specific situation to be like ‘this’ or like ‘that’, we are falling into apathy, or even worse, we are simply giving up.

Not so.

Let’s take a look at the last instance first. Suppose you want to convince someone to marry you. They may love you, but just not be that much into marriage. Or they may not love you enough. Or they may wish to be with you, but simply not yet be ready for marriage. The point is, you are getting the runaround, even if it’s not about the person no longer wanting you in their life. And because of it, you suffer. The way you see it, you are suffering because the other person is not agreeing to marry you. I disagree. You are suffering because you believe you need to have a specific outcome in order to feel good. So, said simply, if you were capable of letting go of that need, it would mean that you would no longer suffer. You could freely choose to remain in the situation or to leave it, but what you would be releasing would be the need for the specific outcome. This can apply to any kind of situation at all in your life. Thwarted desire for a specific outcome creates pain. Chris Griscom said where there is no resistance, there is no pain.

I know, I know. It sounds so simple, but we all know it isn’t. However, if you can get your head around this paradigm shift – that your need to have things evolve a certain way is all that is standing between you and feeling at peace – then perhaps you would agree with me that it is much more important to focus on learning how to let go of a need – or let’s call it – as the Buddhists would – detaching from a specific desired outcome – then it is – as illustrated in the example I’ve used – to convince your recalcitrant partner to marry you.

It’s the same thing with emotions that threaten to destroy or implode you. Most of us have known great heart pain. We know anger, desire, hurt, resentment, bitterness, and so much more. If we don’t encourage ourselves to let go of them; to release them, such emotions can grab hold of our innermost self, can create strong neural pathways, where those emotions become our “go-to” place in our thinking – especially our ruminative, blind thinking – and can, therefore, become our default mode of living. Releasing such emotions is a voluntary act (although I’m not pretending it’s easy), and it is an act of love towards yourself. It is a conscious decision; a choice only you can make.

You may have been – or be – in a situation where a friend, a spouse, even a member of your immediate family, is making it patently clear that you are no longer a desired element in their inner circle. You may be hanging on for dear life due to inertia, or habit, or even desire. But recognize that this, just as the earlier situations I’ve listed here, does you more harm than good. Release such people from your life. It doesn’t mean scorn them. It simply means: don’t hang on to them. They may return to you at a later point – or not. But for the sake of your own inner peace, releasing them is more life-giving, than desperately hanging on to them for the sake of what once was – no matter what the connection between you.

So: how to go about this? In a nutshell: Become mindful of your thoughts, your emotions, the choices that you make on a daily basis, and the entirety of your daily existence. Take stock of all of this, as you become more and more conscious of it all, and see – really see – how you could, if you so choose, release it all. Just be. Let go. Again, easier said than done, but as so many things that we could do to improve our lives, it is a question of daily practice. It is also a question of recognizing that hanging on to whatever you are not releasing says more about your ego than who you truly could be (and truly are, if you weren’t covering it up under so many layers of unconscious choices and mindless living).

In the 60’s Jiddu Krishnamurti told his followers that the secret to his happiness was not minding what happens. When you are able to understand the deepest meaning of that sentence, you will be on your way to inner joy, peace, and freedom.

www.skoralifecoach.com

My relationship, is it over ?

September 1, 2015 in Life Coaching

As a relationship coach, I sometimes have to advise couples to do something they hate to hear: break up. It is always just as painful for me as it is for the couple. Some call it tough love. Some call it being cruel to be kind. I call it a jolt into reality.

Very often one or both partners cannot come to grips with the reality that the love and intimacy that had once existed in the relationship is no longer there. We are all creatures of habit. We get used to situations just as easily as we get used to places and people. It is more excruciatingly difficult to break old habits once they become part of our everyday lives. There are times you may know in your gut that the relationship is over, however, change is scary and facing a breakup is something nobody welcomes.

On the other hand, it is much worse when couples’ relationships deteriorate to the brink of disaster and neither of them realizes it. Many of us prefer to go through life wearing rose-colored glasses. We keep pushing the ugly truth out of our mind until we no longer hear it knocking. Seems crazy, doesn’t it? Yet for more couples than you think, it is an everyday reality. So how can you tell if your relationship is over and it’s time to walk away?

1. You are no longer having sex: We are, all of us, physical creatures, like it or not. While sex is not and should not be the be all and end all in a relationship, it is a very important part of any couple’s bond as it invites intimacy. Once sex is gone, it is very difficult to pass off a platonic relationship as a love connection.

2. You are spending less time together: Business trips notwithstanding, if you find yourself more and more apart due to choice, your relationship is on the decline. If you prefer the company of friends to your partner’s, it is time to rethink your situation.

3. You cease communication with each other: If you’d rather call your friend then a partner to discuss a problem at work or a great book you just read, you are losing out on one of the most important parts of a relationship. Once the communication is dead, it is very difficult to resuscitate.

4. You are always fighting: From important issues like whether or not to have children to minutia like how many eggs to have for breakfast, the smallest disagreements turn into huge rows. Life is too short to spend in meaningless spats.

5. You are no longer affectionate: To be sure, there is a huge difference between sex and affection. It is the little expressions of love that make up affection: holding hands, hugging, kissing hello and good-bye, etc. When you no longer want to say to your partner   “I love you,” or if your “I love you” is mechanical rather than heartfelt, it is time to let go.

Here is another clue..we call in the five “A’s” 5 things that should exist in a good relationship !

1. Attention 2. Acceptance 3. Appreciation 4. Affection 5. Allow: Allow your partner to be their “authentic” self

 

 

 

Serious or not Serious .

September 1, 2015 in Life Coaching

We spend a lot of out lives trying to get everything just right, stressing ourselves out, only to one day see that here is no need to be so uptight.

For sure, a lot of good things start to happen when you seriously get serious about not being so serious..